A bit of legal levity plus a case of “Total Identity Theft”

I will attempt to keep it light and informative today as we have experienced such a serious few days. Our hearts, prayers and sympathies go out to all those in Newtown, CT as well as to all their friends and families everywhere.  So I will begin with some levity about the legal profession…hopefully you will enjoy these brief funny stories as much as I did. Further into this post we will describe a case of “Total Identity Theft” which includes not only theft of a person’s bank account and credit cards, however to include driver’s license, social security number, medical records and the victim’s actual persona as the thief impersonated the victim for several years. As we are in the middle of the Christmas Season, it is important to note that identity theft can take at least five major different forms…not just credit card or bank accounts theft…and when it does it is called “total identity theft”. The reason for my focusing on this topic again and again is that the average citizen has no idea of how to correct the results of identity theft, much less stop it, and that professional investigators and attorneys are best equipped to save you considerable time and many dollars should you ever be a victim. ———————————————————————————————————————- and now for some FUNNY LAWYER JOKES:


http://www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/lawyers/law1.html AN OCCUPATIONAL HAZZARD A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.” The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers… we had $100 when we broke in!” ————————————————————————————————————————- http://www.onlyfunnystories.com/TheFarmerLaw.asp Robert Brown LLC Former Immigration Director

The Farmer’s Law

One weekend a lawyer from New York decided to go bird hunting in Vermont. The lawyer drove to Vermont and found a good hunting spot near a farm. The lawyer sees a bird, shoots it and watches fall to the ground on the other side of the barns fence.

The lawyer, thinking to himself that’s my bird I have to go get it, climbs the fence retrieves the bird and climbs back. Just as he gets back over the farmer comes up to him and says, “give me my bird.” The lawyer says to him ” your bird no no no I shot this bird it is mine.” “No” says the farmer,”it landed on my property it is mine.” “Look” says the lawyer, “I am a lawyer, I will sue you , you will lose and I will get the duck.” “No” says the farmer, “that’s not how we do it here in Vermont, we use the three kick rule.” “Ok” says the lawyer, how does that work?” “I kick you three times as hard as I can, than you kick me as hard as you can three times and we keep going until one of us gives up.” “Fine” says the lawyer, “let’s go.” “I’ll go first” says the famer. So the famer kicks the lawyer as hard as he can in the groin. And just as lawyer is bent over in pain the farmer kicks him right in the face. now just as the lawyer is thinking what did I get myself into the farmer kicks him in the stomach… after the lawyer gets over the agonizing pain he says ok now it’s my turn. No the farmer says, “I quit you can have the duck.” (Thanks Samantha) ——————————————————————————————————————-

Lawyer’s personal injury

A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain. “I’m an attorney,” the wincing man said, “and this is going to cost you $5000.” “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” the concerned golfer replied. “But I did yell ‘fore’.” “I’ll take it,” the attorney said.




Deal looms in ‘total identity theft‘ case


Kansas City Star  Posted on Sun, Dec. 16, 2012 12:24 AM


A change-of-plea hearing has been scheduled in Wichita for woman accused.



The Associated Press

WICHITA — An illegal immigrant accused of completely assuming the persona of a Houston elementary school teacher has reached a plea deal in a case that put a face to the growing problem of “total identity theft” in the United States, a prosecutor said. A docket notation Friday shows a change-of-plea hearing for Benita Cardona-Gonzalez has been scheduled for Jan. 7 in federal court in Wichita. The notice comes the same day that prosecutors amended charges against her to a single count of possessing fraudulent identification documents. ————————————————————————————————————————— There are more than 400 victims across 12 states… THE DAILY NEWS Some ID theft victims notified, others sought

    Posted: Sunday, December 16, 2012 12:00 am BY MARCELLE HANEMANN The Daily News | The Washington Parish Sheriff’s Office is notifying local residents whose personal information was found in possession of a woman charged last month with numerous counts of identity theft. Capt. Tommie Sorrell, who led the multi agency investigation that broke up the identity theft ring centered on information pulled from the LSU Health system by then-employee Pamela Reams, said there are also victims whose information was not intercepted. She urges everyone affected by the crime to make contact. There are more than 400 victims across 12 states, and a significant number are residents of Washington Parish, Sorrell said. ———————————————————————————————————————- LegalShield and Kroll Investigative Services Identity Theft Solutions Again, I sincerely recommend that you protect yourself for identity theft, including your children, and when you do so, be sure to look for an identity theft package that does not just mail you the do-it-yourself forms for you to correct the issue, but includes their own staff of licensed investigators using power of attorneys and working with very reputable provider attorney firms. This is quite different from you doing the work and requesting reimbursement after the work is completed. In many cases you will not qualify for reimbursement from an insurance policy that has exclusions.

    To protect  yourself and your loved ones, including your children,  with the LegalShield and Kroll Investigative Services Identity Theft Shield protective memberships you can sign up for and begin these memberships now.
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    Thank you, Dan Norris

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